I Guess I’m Surprised I Don’t Have a Tail

My parents always told me they found me under a rock, distancing themselves from my evolution in a way that said “we know he came from us, but mutations happen more frequently than one might think, and apparently, we got ourselves one right here.”  The whole birthday-ish thing got me to thinking about from whence I came.

Seems to me the whole creative-design concept is a pretty large leap, since most of those other nearby planets don’t seem to be serving much of a function.  Let’s be honest, if the great Deity decided to run a test case on Earth, it seems pretty likely he’d have considered a backup plan.  Which leaves evolution as a potential explanation for all of these evolved apes roaming the planet.

If we are to buy into evolutionary theory, we have to accept that our ancestors are some sort of monkey.  Worse yet, there are times when our brains function without conscious deliberation – those moments when our preset thoughts take over and we get upset about things like too much traffic or shopping wheel carts that pull to the left – allowing our limbic systems to take over and the feeling that some other force is running our lives.  Putting the two together, it appears we are controlled by “monkey thoughts,” the deeply-rooted primitive instincts that take hold when we do not think for ourselves.  It’s the great debate whether we control our brains, or do our brains control us?

The point here is that I think my parents were wrong. In the survival-of-the-fittest sense, the finding me under a rock argument just doesn’t hold water. A tree branch maybe, but not a rock.  As a result, on this my supposed birthday, I’m feeling very lied to.

And so, I’m taking today off and using my opposable thumbs to seek out the truth.  I’ll be online researching my ancestry, and, while scanning the local zoo residents, tree-dwelling primates, and the internet star/Hollywood-wanna-bes who perform tricks like throwing feces while crafting giant smiles from overly-hairy faces, if I happen to come across any of YOUR antecedents, I’ll let you know.

By ccxander

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