Right so, Arnold.
Mr. anti-same sex marriage because we need to protect the purity of the institution. Mr. I am a man of principle. Mr. family means everything to me because without family I wouldn’t be in the position I am today (um…I mean…nevermind that one). Mr. I was once a steroid-abusing musclehead with an accent that sounded more like a speech impediment than a cultural thing. Mr. Hollywood once loved me until I started doing movies like Kindergarten Cop and thinking the move from action hero to bad comedian was a good one, not to mention the Nine Months travesty-thing I did with that little Devito fella’, which clearly sent me down the wrong path in regards to understanding what it means to father children. Mr. I intended to run for President but I’m pretty friggin’ happy I changed my mind because that little birth certificate thing would have been a bitch to falsify. Mr. I nailed a housekeeper a few years back and forgot to strap on a Magnum and have been living a lie and paying the price for over a decade all the while standing before you – John Q. American voting public – spouting hypocritical messages about the sanctity of marriage, and as a result, I’ve spent the last several years sweating worse than a high school kid trying to write a love letter.
Look, I’m not saying the guy hasn’t accomplished a lot with his life. After all, he has had at least three relatively successful careers, all of which have started to fade right about the time he leaves them. Deteriorating muscles, failed films, a flailing economy.
All of this begs the question: now that the Governator is abandoning ship and returning to his personal life – albeit it sans wife, extra kid, and unemployed – are we about to see the decay of the man? Will Arnold shrink into oblivion like a steroid-affected testicle?
A friend of mine recently posed the theory: “Everyone vain moved to LA when Hollywood started in the 20s and 30s…some became actors/actresses, some settled with other jobs. The result is a good looking population tainted by the same shallow BS that pervades the entertainment industry that attracted them.” I tend to agree, and although I have no idea how this theory relates to Schwarzenegger, I just get the feeling he is part of that tainted population.