Why I threw my cell phone out the car window

“Hi, I’d like to….”

“Oh, whoops.”

“1 for English..ugh, this is so stupid”

“3 for Cell phone”

“No wait I meant 2…crap”

“Hi, I’d like to…oh yea…1″




“Oh hi I’d–”

“I’d rather not.”

“I guess that doesn’t matter…and you can’t hear me now anyway.”

at the Copa, Copa Cabana, music and fashion are

“Yes, yes, hello, Julie is it?”

“Ah, I’m sorry. Hello Gupta. My cell phone isn’t working properly.”

“No, I’m on it now.”

“No I don’t have a home phone line. That’s pretty bad marketing on your part don’t you think?”

“Well, if I get a home line, you’ll get less business from my cell phone usage.”

“No, I’m not trying to be difficult, I just think that if you want to keep your job, it makes more sense for you not to ask me to go on a home phone.”

“No, it’s ok?”


“Oh, hi, no I really didn’t need to talk with a supervisor.”

“No, I wasn’t being difficult –is that what she said?”

“I wanted to see if –”


“Oh, it’s you again?”

“No, I didn’t mean it that way. Look can we just help me get my phone fixed.”

“Thank you. So I am not receiving my emails on my phone.”

“Are you serious? Yes, it is the type of phone that receives emails.”

“Well, I’ve had several people tell me they’ve sent me things, and none of them are going through to my phone.”

“Yes, I’ve tried that.”

“ The mute button? Why would I press—“

“Yes, ok. I’ve pressed it?”

“Hello? Hello?”



“No I didn’t think it was the mute button either.”

“Yes, I’ll hold.”

and she’s buying the Stairway to

“I can but it’s about my email. I can’t really see what removing the—“

“No, I’m not being difficult again, it’s just that—“

“Ok, I’ll remove it. You’ll call me back though, right?”

“Right, but how will you know if it worked if you don’t call me back.”

“No, I’m sorry, I don’t have a pen to take down your extension.”

“Sure, I’ll remember, go ahead.”

“2361, got it.”

“OK, should I remove the battery now?”

“Take it out for ten seconds, replace it, then hit 611, then call you back. Got it.”


“Ahh, Christ what was that extension?”

“Hi yes, I–ahh, 1,2,5,7,”

“Hello, Mary I was talking with Gupta?”

“Sorry, I heard Mary, um…Marti, I was talking with a woman named Gupta and-“

“Six hundred you say? So then, you probably don’t know her.”

“A different country? Really? Well that would explain the interesting name then.”

“Nothing.” “Um, well I really don’t want to start all over again, but I’m having trouble receiving emails.”

“No I don’t have a home phone line. Ya’ know you guys should…nevermind.”

“No really, it’s nothing.”

“Can we just try to fix my phone?”

“No, I will not hit the mute button. Look I’ve tried that, and I’ve already removed the battery and counted to ten and dialed 611 and now I’m talking with you, Marti, and getting very frustrated with this whole issue.”

“Yes, thank you, for being so interested in remedying my problem.”

“OK, options, yes, I can do that, one second.”

“Ok, I’ve clicked that.”

“Yes, it says it’s on.”

“Ok that’s great. Thank you so much.”

“So, just wait for your email and I’ll do the final steps? Great! Wait, Marti, if this doesn’t work, how do I get in touch with you?”

“Extension 2361? Um…isn’t that Gupta’s extension?”

“No, I’m sorry, I know you don’t know who Gupta is. Me neither.”

“No, I don’t need to speak with your supervisor.”


“Hi, are you the supervisor…oh yes, well Marti is great. She helped me a lot.”

“I do understand you are very busy supervising.”

“No, I’m not being difficult.”

“Right, ok.”

“Hi Marti, I said good things about you.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Are you married?”

“Right, sorry. I look forward to your email.”

“Thank you, you have a good day too.”

Ten minutes later


“Hello, Marti?…oh Gupta, well, how’d that happen?”

“Ah Julie, my apologies. Julie listen, I am about to kill someone, ok.”

“No, I don’t need a supervisor. I didn’t mean I’m actually going to kill someone.”

“Suicide hotline? No, look it was a joke.”

“Yes, I agree it was a bad one. I’m sorry.”

“I understand. Can you just help me though?”

“I’m happy to hear that you are interested in remedying my problem.”

“ Marti was supposed to send me an email a few minutes ago about how to—“

“She works for your company.”

“No, I don’t mean…I mean I was on the phone with her about this issue.”

“Yes, she gave me this extension.”

“I agree. It was sort of stupid.”

“Julie, I’m starting to run out of time. Can you just walk me through the steps to fix my email on my phone?”

“Great, thanks.”

“What is it with you guys and the mute button?”

“Yes please, just the steps.”

“Twenty three?”

“No, that’s not going to work right now, I don’t have a pen.”

“Ah that would be wonderful…Julie, you are a Saint.”

“Ok, I’ll look for the texts.”

Ten minutes later

“Hi, I’m …arrghh!”

“1 2 5 7.”


“Hi, Gary?”

“Sorry Flarpi…listen please cancel my service with your company.”


“To cancel?”

“Flarpi, I fucking hate you!”

“Oh, I’d love to speak with your supervisor.”

“Hi Kalpi?”

“Right, well then, Kelly, I fucking hate you and Gupta and Marti and Julie and your entire company!”

“What’s that?”

“ A customer service survey?”

“Sure, you just email it to my cell phone, I’ll get right on it!”


By ccxander

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