Blank

There’s an old cliché that goes something like, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”  Well, what if you just don’t have anything to say?  Imagine waking up and having no thoughts or comments on anything?  Is that weird?  That’s what happened to me this morning.  I sat down to write this blog and stared at the blank page and for the first time in my life, everything stayed blank.  Forty years of odd experiences on this planet and I am suddenly besieged by an absence of internal noise.

They say the Buddhists search for these moments, the inner tranquility where the mind is quiet and ones inner thoughts retain the stillness of a placid lake.  Apparently it requires a kind of mental control.  Frankly, it scares the crap out of me.  What if I have lost the ability to think? What if last night’s final thought “I’d give my left ….for a piece of chocolate cake right now” was, in fact, the final act of my brain?

I know it tends toward hypochondriacal thinking, but at some point our brain really is just going to stop working.  We are going to move from a conscious, neuron-firing, grey-mattered computer, into a slab of pink-turning-grey meat.  Surrounded by some sort of ethereal music, someone is going to stand over us, and feel an overwhelming sense of loss, suffer the massive life-changing realization that someone’s innocence has been stripped from them, like a rupture in humanity.  And we are going to enter into another arena with some obscure facial expression that we’ll wear for all eternity.

I guess what I’ve learned from today’s entry is that even though I might not have anything nice to say, I still think I should say it, because at some point, I won’t be able to say anything at all.  But then, maybe that would make the world a better place too.

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By ccxander

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