26 reasons I am not a writer

Stereotypes slay me.  I’m fairly sure I don’t have enough characteristics to make me a writer.  Here’s me proof:
  1. There are three computers in my house and none of them have writing software.
  2. I do not own a bathrobe.
  3. I do not sit and stare into space for extended periods – ok, I do, but not for story.
  4. I drink things like iced tea and iceless water, rather than absinthe and bourbon.
  5. I enjoy adverbs.
  6. When I see a tragedy on the street, I do not take notes.
  7. I own no candles or quill pens.
  8. I have only read The Raven once.
  9. When I go into bookstores, it is to purchase book, and it is not to scan the first pages of three hundred classic novels.
  10. To me, Three Musketeers always includes chocolate.
  11. I’ve always believed Nabokov was a Russian Czar and that Catcher in the Rye was something you do to a farmer’s daughter.
  12. I can carry on a linear argument.
  13. My 6th grade English teacher made it very clear, “You will never be a writer!”
  14. I’m generally happy.
  15. I enjoy neither park benches nor Paris.
  16. I don’t mind being around people.
  17. I own things that I’d rather not lose, or give away.
  18. I’m politically independent.
  19. Once, I consulted Dr. Seuss for a malady.
  20. I once went an entire hour without pondering.
  21. I know the batting average of at least two major league baseball players.
  22. I prefer humility to pretension.
  23. I have tan skin, short hair, un-bespectacled eyes, and wear shoelaces.
  24. I have individual friends that do not gather in weekly groups.
  25. My pre-pubescent friends existed.
  26. I have never sat in a café longer than it takes to drink an iced tea.
By ccxander

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