Even though I am on the do not call list, I still receive several calls a month from solicitors. In the spirit of making the world a more entertaining place, and to punish those poor folks who don’t understand what “Do NOT CALL” means, I’ve recently taken up the cause of making their lives more, shall we say, frustrating? To wit:
“Hello?”
“Hello sir, this is Marie and I’m calling to offer you a free review of your house for solar.”
“You personally?”
‘Ha, no sir, my company.”
“I see. Well, solar seems a little risky to me.”
“Risky? What do you mean sir?”
“Well, what if the sun goes out?”
“Oh, ho, ho, no sir. That won’t be happening.”
“I’m pretty sure I’ve read some science magazines which say it will happen.”
“Yes sir, but that will be very far into the future.”
“So then, we’re on the same page then. If that sun goes out, solar doesn’t seem like a very good idea anymore, does it?”
“But sir, the sun isn’t projected to go out for millions of years.”
“Still, planning for the future is important, don’t you think?”
“I understand sir, but let’s get back to the free review of your house. We would -“
“Look, I understand the whole benefits to having sun power my house, but if the sun goes out, I’ll have to take cold showers and eat raw meat and then there will be the whole air conditioning thing, but then, I guess with the sun out it won’t be very hot, so maybe that part doesn’t matter so much.”
“Sir, if the sun goes out, we’re all going to die.”
“Well that’s pretty morbid. Is that actually in your telemarketing script? Because someone should really re-write that part. It’s really terrible.”
“…?”
“Marie, listen, I imagine you want to have conversations with people about the positive benefits of solar energy but now we’re here talking about cold showers and raw meat and death. I think you should tell your supervisor they haven’t trained you very well.”
“Sir, please, I am just trying to set up a review for –
“A review, that’s a good idea. Perhaps you need to have a review. So far you lied to me about the sun going out, you skipped over my question about planning for the future and you said I’m going to die.”
“Oh my gosh, sir I did not mean any of that. I just –
“Thank you for your time Marie. I hope you feel it wasn’t wasted. Goodbye.”
I kind of hope she calls me back. 🙂
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